Everyone just wants to belong in a space and a society within a friend group. And when you are an underrepresented group or a group that’s considered lower status in our society, it can be really hard to find your place. (Dr. Sarah Gaither ~ Department of Psychology)
~Racial Identity~
I can remember when I first became interested in my own racial identity, I was around 13 years old. I had been visiting my father and step-mother for the entire summer every year since I was 2 after their divorce. Three months a year, I was immersed into my father’s family and their Portuguese/German heritage, customs, and culture, which was very different than my mothers. My grandparents were second generation Americans and their parents immigrated here from Portugal and Germany. A few years later, I would learn more about my mother’s heritage but at that time when I asked my mom, she would just say her family was Heine’s 57 (many ingredients). Later DNA results confirmed the Heine's 57 but it also showed that my mothers mom was Peruvian, not Cherokee as family stories told.
My summers with my dad were filled with being taught many words and phrases in the German language, as my German grandmother felt this was important, she also made sure to teach me some German food dishes each summer. My Portuguese grandfather felt that he should share his talent for music with me, as well as stories about his parent’s fisherman relatives that had lived in Northern Portugal along the coast and in the Azores. He consistently reminded me that I did not get my blue eyes from my mom or my grandmother’s German line. The story goes that we are from a line of “blue eyed Portuguese” from Portugal. I later researched this and found it to be true and not what I had always thought, a made-up story.
At first, I was so excited to find out that my mother’s mom might be half Cherokee Indian. Decades l
later only to find out that no this wasn’t accurate and the Timberlake surname was a friend of the
Cherokees but not Native American. My mother was born in Oklahoma and was told this all her life.
Sadly, my research also led me to Last Will and Testament of the Timberlake’s which revealed my family ancestors owned a plantation and slaves in North Carolina. Of course, this horrified me. It also horrified me how all the women in that family were considered property as well and not entitled to anything of the estate. Although, it did help me understand why some of my southern relatives were clearly racist and others clearly felt shame. I am proud of who I was even with the few skeletons in the closets.
Since then, I have done two DNA tests which have also verified many things and opened a new closest of questions. I know there is “patriarchal oppression” and I know there is “privileged” in our country. I don’t like either one. I’ve been on a learning curve for the past 6 years and I had to do a deep dive into myself and our society to figure out just why, this really hit a nerve with me.
Thankful, after many years led me to getting my degree in Human Development from one of the best colleges in Diversity, Pacific Oaks College, I finally get it now! I also understand the struggles that others are having with this phrase. I’m here to tell you though, in this Country I am privileged by the sheer fact of me being white. Period. It’s the way it’s always been in this County and it's been set up since the very beginning. Although, I'm a white women which comes with privilege's, I've been abused, oppressed, invisible, not valued, and discriminated against. Why? because I am a women!
What can we do? We can observe (visions) and share by using our (voices). Can you imagine, if we all started working together instead of blaming and dividing ourselves according to our race or our privileges, what we could accomplish? We are in need of great change in America. Our country is in need of big changes.
However, be careful by not getting people who are already are on your side defensive, by calling them racist and white privileged. Not because they aren’t but because most people simply don’t understand this concept. It takes a lot of individual self-work and a better understanding of history. In my perspective, most people truly believe they are not racist or how their white skin gives them privilege. For change to occur, we can’t have people on the defense, people don’t learn when they are defensive or angry.
All young people, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, deserve a safe and supportive environment in which to achieve their full potential (Harvey Milk).
~ Gender Identity Development~
Carol Gilligan’s is right on the mark, “It was a culture that counted on women not speaking for themselves”. Now a days, I call this "masking". I thoroughly enjoyed reading her book. I did not question my gender as much as these girls do today. I knew what was expected of me. I tried to conform, sometimes successful sometimes not. It wasn't until much later that I started to question my stress levels, my anxiety, my continuous exhaustion. Finally realizing that I was being repressed and held back and not allowed to be my true self.
My early adulthood, I found the patriarchal system within the church comforting at first and it made me feel secure and I felt it was exactly what I needed at the time. What I didn't understand I was escaping and trying to find a purpose from my dysfunctional home life. The Church was helpful on many levels, but my perspective has changed full circle now. Out of respect, I do not look back with distain, I look back knowing that it was a very important of my life. It was my time for growing, learning new skills, making new friends. However, it was a giant box, and I couldn't be who I was.
In my posts, I talk about not being put in a box and believe me I do everything in my power to break down the sides of boxes that our society is hell bent on putting people in. In my early days, when I was 19 years old, that box provided me with needed shelter and safety and direction when I needed it most. I do think we have our roles to play in society, to make our communities work. I don’t believe all people should be forced into these boxes. I believe there is room for everyone. We should have free choice and style of our boxes unless it's dangerous to someone. Living in a patriarchal society is a challenge to many women and survival. Women should be allowed to develop to their fullest potential as they themselves deem important. They also need to be safe, respected, valued, and heard.
