~This research is my own personal narrative of my life as I compared it to Human Development theories and societal expectations. It tells my stories. It covers issues about attachments, separations, autonomy, accomplishments as well as failures. My Box stories, identifies areas of weaknesses, strengths, joys, and sorrows. Life is NOT a fairytale and I refuse to play along. I will NOT be put into a box. It includes stories that tell of a unidentified Autistic female child born in 1957 and how she managed her stages of life in spite of it all. I've been crushing that box for decades!
~My Voice and Visions~
As adults we do not often stop and think about what stages of development we going though unless we are making a judgmental comment about someone else’s mid-life crisis. Even then, as we gossip together about such individuals, most of us don't have a deeper understanding of human development. Taking the time and reflecting on one’s own life can be tricky if not terrifying. Not only does it come with greater understanding of one’s self, it can also open old wounds and the journey can be both exciting and painful.
At times, when we reach those “awe moments,” it seems does seem all worth it though. These reflections sometimes bring us great clarity and understanding. It opens the box and generally brings more questions to be answered.
I have reflected back at my own life during these important stages and found great joy as well as great sadness. Looking back at these stages I became aware that ultimately, I had very little control over my own life and was dependent on the adults around me to help me grow up. When I look back, sometimes I laugh and sometimes I cry. I strongly believe a young child's trust and attachment are at the forefront to developing oneself into a healthy adult. I also believe basic trust must maintain itself throughout life and if it is lacking, we struggle finding peace and happiness in this world (Erikson).
By the time the child reaches Stage 3 we become acutely aware of the gaps of development in the first two stages. If we are intuitive and connected to the children that we interact with we should notice these gaps and try to help them. However, I believe for most, by the time the child reaches Stage 3, it is already too late and the child is destine to emotionally struggle throughout life with some of these missing elements. Likely to pass on generational abuse and neglect to their own children and others.
~Trust vs. Mistrust~
After many years of various observations and experiences during my lifetime, I still conclude that this stage above all other stages of human development is most important. The foundation needs to be built early or it makes life so much harder to navigate.
My mother worked outside of the home full-time in 1957, and my dad was in the Korean War, so my caregiving was turned over to my older cousins, my Aunt, and my mom's best friend. Erikson tells us that attachment with a caregiver “forms the basis in the child for a sense of identity which will later combine a sense of being “all right,” of being oneself, and of becoming what other people trust one will become” (Erikson).
This stage is a critical stage of development and when it goes haywire, it can make you carry demons throughout your life. This critical stage was once again reinforced after interviewing my 80-year-old mother and discussing this stage with her. In 1959 when my mother became a divorced single mother, life became incredibly difficult for us both. Being that very few women of her day where divorced single mothers, one study reports only .06 percent of women were in her shoes in the US, so no support groups for her.
The quality of (caregiver) relationships should not be undervalued. Society has a responsibility to support this Stage within families, as it creates stronger individuals which can build stronger communities, which then leads to a higher quality of life. But most of all, it limits the continuation of generational abuse in families.
Discussing my early childhood development with my mother recently, I found out that even though I was confident I had a healthy start in my first stage of development, it wasn't until I took my mask off examined the cracks and how hard my beginnings really were. By the time I was two my life had turned into a storm of chaos. My mother reported during this time my first step father entered into our when I was three years old. Even though, I have some fond memories, my step father was what I would call abusive today, however during that era (1960’s) it would not have been described as such – possibly as overly strict, but not abusive. “Shame and Doubt” thus entered into my world.
Freud would have had a hay day with my story about being forced to sit on a toilet, screaming and crying to the point that it affected me physically (asthma attack). Let alone being spanked so hard on the bare bottom that it left hand print bruises. According to Freud and Erickson, “Children gain a sense of mastery and competence by controlling bladder and bowel movements”. My mom also reported after these episodes and stubbornly refusing to eliminate in the toilet, moments later they would find me in a corner of the house doing my business. I believe these severe battles spanning over the next few years between me and my step father had an enormous effect and caused me trauma.
Over my lifetime, I have developed some neurotic anxieties within myself and I have had to make some very conscious choices to be able to keep these anxieties at bay. John Bowlby further supports my theory in this regard, stating that “mothers [(step father)] who try to teach or force their children to be independent usually delay its growth, just as those who attempt energetic toilet training often delay their children becoming clean and dry” (J. Bowlby). My ability to accept love from others and trust the love that someone has for me has been a real challenge throughout my life.
~My Initiative vs. Guilt~
During this stage I did indeed take more control of my environment and I was lucky to live in an era (1960’s) where I was allowed to freely roam and explore my environment.
During this stage, my parents gave me the opportunity to develop emotionally and physically by allowing me room and time to explore nature. I was not constrained to a 100-foot boundary outside our home as the video “Nature Deficit Disorder” depicts as the norm these days. I didn't know it then but Nature was my therapy!
My life was comprised of both individualist and collectivist culture. I was self-directed and teacher (parent) directed. I used my autonomy in both my body and mind. According to Erickson, “It is the environment that determines how Erikson’s stage is resolved”. Looking back, I find that the “balance of freedom and safety (both physically and emotionally” provided me with a wealth of educational skills during this stage of development. I still use these skills to this day.
Make sure to check out Part Two in Not in a Box!
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